If All Else Changes
by The Lonely Geek
Summary: Thalia sits and reflects on the year that has just passed. She doesn't know how much point there is in carrying on, until someone gives her a little hope. AU where Voldemort never existed. Rated for mentions of suicide.


**Just a short fic, based a bit on stuff that's happened to me this year. Hope you enjoy and have a happy new year! Please let me know what you think.**

 _ **If All Else Changes**_

I sigh as I watch the sun rise over the horizon, setting the lake ablaze with pale pinks and oranges. Today was just another day for me. Today was just another year gone past. Most people take today to look back on the year and are grateful for all the good things that have happened to them.

I don't.

What do I have to be grateful for? The last year has been the worst of my life. In June I had my OWLs. I know what you're thinking, so what? So what I had my OWLs? What's that got to do with it? Everyone has to do OWLs. Not everyone has to do what I had to do though. Let me give you some perspective.

My parents live in Hogsmeade, which means that I have special permission to go home at weekends if I want to. The weekend before the first week of OWLs, I was at home with my sister who was studying for her NEWTs. I was at home because the tension in the Ravenclaw common room was so thick you could cut it with a knife. All the 7th and 5th years were on edge, studying for the exams for the coming weeks that could quite possibly decide our future. I don't know why my sister was home. I don't know what the atmosphere was like in the Hufflepuff common room, but if it was anything like Ravenclaw, I could understand why she was there.

I want to add at this point that I have depression. No one knows. No one has realised. No one wonders why I never smile. I have it worse now than I had it then, but depression still affected my life pretty badly then. People didn't notice that I was always sad. People didn't notice that I wanted to kill myself. No one knew how many times I had held my wand up to my chest and nearly muttered the words Avada Kedavra. I just wanted the pain to end.

I still do. But anyway, back to this weekend before my OWLs.

Me and my sister were watching TV (it's a muggle thing) on the Saturday evening to relax after a long day of studying, we have muggle relatives which is why we have it. They used to think it was weird that we didn't know any TV shows, so we got a TV. It's actually pretty cool. Anyway, our parents were arguing. This wasn't really anything new. They always argued. They didn't even sleep in the same room any more. I guess all the signs were there, I just didn't want to accept it.

Then my dad came in and switched the TV off. I could hear my mum crying upstairs. My dad turned to me and my sister and just said five words. Just 5 words. But they changed my life forever. 'Your mother wants a divorce'. That was all he said and then he walked out and my mum came in crying.

It turned out that they had been planning on getting a divorce for a while, but my mum wanted to wait until we had done our exams so our results weren't affected or anything though. They had argued though and my dad told my mum that if she didn't apologise for saying something then he would tell us about the divorce. My mum refused to apologise because she didn't think he'd actually tell us. But he did.

So yes, I had my OWLs this year. They were tough like anyone would expect, but my first OWL exam was less than 48 hours after the events of that night. I got pretty much no sleep the night I found out or the night after. The day after I found out about the divorce I had been planning on revising, but I couldn't focus. Who would be able to? I wanted to go back to Hogwarts, but I knew I couldn't because I'd distract my friends from revising. I ended up just wandering around Hogsmeade.

A few months after that we moved house because of the divorce. The new house was nice enough. It was a lot smaller than I was used to, but then before the divorce my family had been quite well off. Now, my mum struggled to pay the bills. She only had a part time job and although by law my dad had to pay maintenance money to her for me and my sister during the holidays, I know she struggled greatly.

So yeah, this is why I can't remember the good things that happened this year. Not a lot of good things happened to me. Yes, I got good OWL results considering the situation, but I had been expected to do better and I could tell that my mum was disappointed. She said that I was tough enough not to let the divorce affect my results.

"Thalia, are you coming down for the fireworks?" I turn around to see Luna Lovegood standing there. "Did the wrackspurts get into your head?" She asks with an air of surprise. "I thought I got rid of them, but clearly not."

"I was just... thinking." I reply, my heart pounding faster. That's the other thing. I only realised that I was bi this year. I had had crushes on guys before, but this year, it was a girl that made my heart pound faster and face glow pink whenever I was around her. My family don't agree with homosexuality. They don't know. My sister once told me off for wanting two people to get to together in a gay relationship on a TV show we watch together. How could anyone tell their family that they aren't straight after that?

"People do tend to do that today." Luna says, walking over to me and sitting down, she takes my hand and squeezes it. I can hardly breathe. Luna is beautiful. She has long blonde hair and amazingly blue eyes.

"Yes." I whisper.

"Thinking about the year gone by?" She asks me. I nod. "I heard about your parents, I'm sorry." She says. Luna and I have never really had a personal conversation, but I wouldn't be surprised if she heard it from someone else in Ravenclaw.

"Luna, why are you always so happy?" I ask suddenly. So many people bully her and call her Loony. I'll admit she's not exactly normal, but it's not like she's ever done anything to hurt anyone. I wish I could be like her. She's always smiling. I can't remember the last time I really smiled. Smiled when I wasn't pretending.

"I am myself." She replies. "Who cares if no one likes me? I'm not trying to impress anyone." She leans closer. "Thalia, I-I- there's something I should tell you?"

"What?" I ask, my hear pounding harder than ever.

"I think I'm in love. I think I'm in love with you." She whispers. I lean closer and in one magical moment our lips touch. Just as the fireworks to celebrate the start of the New Year go off outside. After a few seconds we pull away.

"I think I'm in love too." I whisper. "I think this is going to be a good year." I tell her and we lean in for another kiss. We break apart after a little while to watch the fireworks.

"Thalia, you know, last year may not have been good for you." Luna says, wrapping her arm around me. "But this year could be better." She smiles at me. "And remember if all else changes, I love you." Maybe she's right. Maybe this year will be better.


End file.
